A weird week II – Study and Love Consulting

Assalamualaikum everyone,

Like I told you in the last post I was thinking about writing a sequel to the first part of a weird week because there was still stuff I didn´t managed to write about. Probably “A weird month” would be a more appropriate title because after the last part more tell-able events occurred. So I am kind of glad I didn´t picked up on this topic before because the last days gave me even more input about the topic – not study but rather the second one.

So where to start?

Why I named this part study and love consulting?

Sometimes I am kind of puzzled listening to my lecturer cause it seems they really like to bring the topic of love and relationships into their lectures and seminars. I mean, if it would be only one of them you may think maybe he/ she simply has some relationship problems his/ her own but it´s like occurring every semester – if it´s in chemistry, statistic, education and some other subjects. It could drive you to the conclusion that everyone has some relationship problems somehow. Or maybe they simply think students are more interested in listening to them when they talking about love matters then about the usual study stuff.

However in the prior mentioned weird week my education professor thought that she had to tell us some relationship/ love lessons which sounded like:

“Unfortunatly you can´t choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes I think it would be great if you could simply fall for a certain person. I mean if he is really nice, your parents like him and if you would also like him everything would be so easy and perfect. But there is no button for falling in love. And sometimes you wish not to fall for a certain person. But there is also no button for not falling for someone.”

(Ini curhat bu?) And it continued:

“So your first love can have a great influence on how you perceive love in general. For example if it´s an unrequited love or an unhappy love affair it can develop in a bad perception of love in the future.”

Ok, noted. Honestly beside that I have no idea what she told us during two hours seminar. And another time I was thinking if I am right, that I was still studying and not having signed for a relationship consultation.

I don´t really know why I am telling you about this but I found it quiet interesting to be honest. Why? Because it somehow fitted into my life situation. And I was wondering in which way my “first love” (although I am not sure if such a thing exists in my life until now) could have influenced my perception of love. So I began to realize where my aversion for this topic may come from. But even before I had kind of the same perception. Thus her assumption would not fit completely. Anyway since she is a professor for education and not for relationship consulting her assumption don´t have to be proper.

At the weekend I was helping a friend of our family to take care of her 4-month old son because her husband was out of town for business matters. One thing I can tell you: if you want to get experiences in growing up a child and taking care of it, spend time with a mother. Not your own one. Most appropriate with one that recently got a baby. You´ll gonna see what will come towards you – the challenges but also the great moments. She will tell you that you should get children as young as possible, in your early twenties when possible. And when you tell her that you have to find a husband first before you can think about getting children, she will offering you to find one for you. No, not offering but simply looking through her contacts which one could be most appropriate to become your future husband. At least in an Islamic context it most probably would be like this.

It´s just an assumption but married woman seem to loooove searching for potential husbands for their not yet married sisters. Maybe I will understand that one day when I am in their position. For the moment I am simply near to tears when someone´s talking about marriage, soulmates and stuff. Especially in accordance to my marriage and my soulmate (read: jodoh) what seemed to happen quiet a lot recently. Am I the only one who finds that distressing? So if you meet me the next days, weeks, month, please do me a favor and DON’T talk about it. Just give my little heart some rest until it has healed. (Sorry for getting sentimental)

What else to tell?

Due to holidays I met some old friends in my hometown. What do you think was a topic that came up mostly? Right! Love and marriage! I guess I don´t have to tell in detail but as a conclusion it seems like almost everyone earlier or later gets confronted with it. Yes, I know, not really a new fact. But almost all stories I heard the last time were about different kind problems the relationship is confronted with. A little background information for the non-muslim readers:

In Islam there is actually no relationship between man and woman (except with family members), or at least you should try to avoid it as long it is not necessary. So what to do when meet someone you like? I am not saying love because love is something that develops over time and that for you have to get to know the person first which, as mentioned, should actually not be common between woman and man. Back to the point, if you like someone of course it is allowed to get to know who the person is, his good and bad sides, if you would fit together. With one object: to find out if he/ she would be the one for you which doesn´t mean to hang out and have together but rather having a serious relationship: Marriage. So take it or leave it, no games, no testing, no “just let it flow and see how it develops”. The problem in this matter is when two persons realize they like each other and agree to confirm marriage but held back by different kind of obstacles, probably the most common one: parents with certain expectations (same nationality, finished degree, good job, cultural standards), distance, certain conditions or state rules. How can state rules play a role? To difficult to explain.

To be honest it´s kind of frustrating to hear how hard it seems to be for two people who simply try to do the right and be happy and the same time. Because if the choice isn´t “take it” the only one left is “leave it”. And you know what? It´s really hard to leave someone you love. Oh sorry, forgot that I didn´t want to use love in this context. So rather: Someone who is important to you. Someone you think about the whole time. Someone who can cheer you up. Someone you wish to have on your side.

(Don´t think I am talking about own experience only. It´s a sum up of all stories I heard.)

But nothing worth come easy, right? And I am sure Allah has His reasons for putting you in such hard times. To teach you sabr, to fight for what is worth fighting and sometimes to let go, to have ikhlas. Cause everything that is meant to you will reach you – sooner or later.

Probably there is muuuuch more to tell about this topic. It´s something you can write books about. And a lot of people do. But I have not more to say about it for now (maybe I have but I am too lazy and tired for the moment to write it down)

Only one last thought: Love is probably one of the weirdest things in life. One thing that is hard to understand. That does still confuse me because I like to understand things, to get deeper and not only to scratch on the surface. Thus it catches my attention for research (dasar anak kuliah, sekali2 semangat lah). And I wonder if there are people out in this world who are not confused by it, who claim to understand it. Me personally, I am not sure if I ever will. But maybe it´s not even necessary…What do you think?

For closing:

Have a great time with your loved ones wherever you might be right now! Don´t stress your head with such weird thoughts like I do. Just appreciate and be thankful!


“Loving can hurt. Loving can hurt sometimes. But it´s the only thing that I know.”

Because without love, what would it be that makes us feel human?


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