I am fine – not.


The most common question people nearly every time ask when meeting someone or talking to someone: How are you?

And the most given answer: I am fine.

I guess that many people are simply answering this because it´s the most common reply, because it is what the other one expects, because they simply don´t want to talk what is really going up in their lives, their minds and sometimes because it´s really what they think to feel summarized in one phrase.

But actually I don´t want to discuss about the topic of feelings, life struggles, honesty or something like that.

If someone is asking me: “How are you?” I hesitate answering. I avoid saying “I am fine” because it feels like a lie. Looking from the outside it would probably seem right. I mean I have everything I need for life, a nice housing, food & drink more then necessary, a loving family and friends around, but still I would feel dishonest. Despite my wellbeing my heart is crying. Don´t get me wrong I am grateful for everything I have – more grateful than ever. Still I would answer “Alhamdulillah” like I would always do (let´s say when meeting with a muslim). I usually try to avoid saying “I am fine” because I would feel dishonest, because it is not what is actually is going on in my head. But this is another story.

If someone is asking me how I am, I really don´t want to say I am fine.

Becaue I am not!

And it is not because of study pressure, illness, heart break, disappointed, emptiness or anything similar. This things seems small to what is really tearing me down.

I am not fine because my brothers and sisters in Aleppo/ Syria, Palestine, Irak, Yemen, Myanmar and so many other places all over the world are suffering. Especially the happenings in Aleppo, hearing and seeing about the cruel things they have to get through nearly everyday makes me wanna cry every single time.

People being tortured in the most cruel way (I don´t even dare of listing out what exactly is done to them). Girls being raped systematically. Numerous people making videos to bid farewell to the world, begging for help without reply. Children choosing to kill themselves instead of continue living among the hell around them.

Sometimes I wish I could just shut out all the news, lock myself at home, continue living in the bubble of my perfect little world. But this would change anything.

I can only tell out of narrations and this already makes my heart cry but imagening that people experienced those things by themselves and many are still getting through this – I can´t even put this feeling in words. I makes me wanna hide under a blanket and leave out all the tears. But that wouldn´t help them neither.

Instead we have to wake up and get out of our comfort zone. Let´s not just be the viewer but the actor.Because our brothers and sisters are suffering so much right now we have to stand even stronger together as one Ummah, giving donation if we can – and I am sure everyone has some money left to give – raising our voices, getting the attention of the powerful forces but also, the most important thing, asking for help by Allah because in the end HE is the only one who has the power to take their pain away, to make every hardship easy and to give them and us the strength to getting through every test how hard it may be in the best manner, in the way that HE is pleased.

The parabel of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body. When any limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever.”[Bukhari & Muslim]


Their fight is so much bigger. But also their reward will be because every soul will receive what it deserves. No act is unseen and none will stay unatoned – one fact that we should be aware even more considering the cruelty ruling right now. More on this topic in the next post inshaa Allah.

Kalau ada yang ingin tau suasana di Jerman terhadap soal Aleppo dari sisi komunitas muslim disini bisa baca lebih lanjut di blog teman:


Sorry for switching language. The post mentioned is written in Indonesian but if you want to have a try, silahkan.


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